


One Hundred Minutes of Normality

by variousflumps



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 05:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/variousflumps/pseuds/variousflumps
Summary: In which Eve and Oksana watch a movie. Finding Nemo, to be precise."For the next" – Eve checks the back of the DVD case – "one hundred minutes you and I are going to pretend that the following things are true. One, neither of us is a psychopath. Two, we both strongly disapprove of murder. Three, I never stabbed you, four, you're not even thinking about stabbing me back, and five, we're dating and have a perfectly normal, healthy relationship. I need one hundred minutes of normality or my entire head is going to explode. Do you want popcorn?"





	One Hundred Minutes of Normality

The first time Eve finds Villanelle in her living room she screams. And then bolts up the stairs and into the bedroom where Villanelle catches her, shoves her against the door and holds a gun to her heart.

"Please," Eve says, shaking. "Please don't do it, I'm so sorry."

"I  _hate_  you. I'm going to blow your stupid heart to pieces."

"I did that already when I stabbed you, I broke my own heart and I'm so sorry, I'm so relieved that you're alive." Eve reaches up and with a trembling hand gently strokes Oksana's face. "You're alive."

The gun drops away from Eve's heart; Oksana stares at her, breathing deeply.

"I still hate you. I will never forgive you."

"I know. That's fair enough. Oh Jesus, Oksana, you're  _alive_."

Eve strokes her face again but Oksana pulls away, turns around and runs.

Hours later, lying in bed, Eve wonders how she knows without a shadow of a doubt that every word Oksana had uttered had been a lie. And then sleeps so deeply she's late for work.

* * *

The second time she manages not to scream, partly because there are no visible weapons this time, partly because Villanelle's dressed all in black like a cartoon burglar. They stare at each other intensely; Eve manages to take her hat and coat off and say "Hello" in a relatively normal voice despite the adrenaline rushing through her veins.

"Why is your hair up?"

"It's practical. For work."

"You still have a job?"

Eve laughs briefly. "Yes, apparently I do, although everyone at work thinks I'm nuts now. I can't imagine why."

"It is your dress sense."

A few more moments of just staring at each other. Eve wants to take her hair down for her but also doesn't want to reward the breaking and entering.

Oksana crosses the room, shoves Eve against a wall and holds a hand to her heart.

"Do you want to know how it feels to kill someone?"

"Not right now," Eve says breathily.

Oksana leans in closer; Eve stands up a little straighter and stares at her lips.

"Do you want to know how it feels to kiss me?"

She doesn't reply; she can't breathe.

"You left that out of your little speech, didn't you, Eve? You think about my eyes and my mouth and my breasts and my…"

She leans in closer, their lips almost touching.

"You want to know what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with, how I'm touching them, how I'm licking them, how loudly I make them moan…"

She moves to the left and kisses Eve's neck, one hand still resting on her heart as Eve aches with desire.

" _You think about me all the time_ ," Oksana whispers into her ear.  _"You want me all the time."_

"Please," Eve whispers. "Please do it."

Villanelle kisses her. Eve kisses back fiercely, clinging on to her for dear life, desperately trying to feed the hunger of months of yearning.

Oksana kisses back just as fiercely. And then breaks the kiss and steps back so abruptly Eve almost falls over.

"You can't have me, Eve Polastri. This is your punishment. You will want me all the time."

Oksana blows her a kiss, laughs at her stunned expression and disappears into the night.

* * *

The third time, they watch a movie.

"What is that?" says Oksana.

Eve holds up the Finding Nemo DVD.

"For the next" – Eve checks the back of the DVD case – "one hundred minutes you and I are going to pretend that the following things are true. One, neither of us is a psychopath. Two, we both strongly disapprove of murder. Three, I never stabbed you, four, you're not even thinking about stabbing me back, and five, we're dating and have a perfectly normal, healthy relationship. I need one hundred minutes of normality or my entire head is going to explode. Do you want popcorn?"

Oksana stares at her. "I am not a psychopath."

"That's swell, baby, but the jury's still out on me lately and that caveat covers us both. Caramel, salted or plain?"

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"I want all of those."

"You got it." Eve opens all three bags and tips a messy mix of popcorn into a large bowl. "Sit."

Oksana doesn't move. "I don't like being told what to do. I also don't understand why I am dating such a cross person."

Eve walks over to her, puts one hand on her cheek and the other round her waist and gently, ever so softly, kisses her.

"Stop that, I don't–"

Eve kisses her again, the slightest brush of her lips, once, twice.

"That is not–" Oksana says indignantly, her words interrupted by another kiss. "I could…slaughter you…right this…"

A few more barely-there kisses and then Eve tightens her hold around her waist, places her other hand on the nape of her neck and kisses her deeply for long, long moments. When she finally breaks the kiss her heart is thudding in her chest and they're both breathing heavily.

"That's why," she says breathlessly. Oksana's eyes are still closed. Eve exhales slowly, drinks in the sight of her for a few moments and then uses every single ounce of her willpower to back away and walk towards the sofa. "Now come here and watch the damn fish film."

Oksana finally opens her eyes, holds up her middle finger to the back of Eve's head and takes a seat on the sofa. Eve hands her the bowl; she takes it in one hand and shoves a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"Okay. So." Eve takes a deep breath. "One hundred minutes of normality. Ready?"

"Ready," she says around the popcorn. "I can do normal."

"Here we go." Eve presses play on the remote. They don't speak for a few minutes as the film plays.

"I practiced doing normal with Sebastian."

Eve tries to sound bored. "And who is Sebastian?"

"Ooh, jealousy, I like it. Don't worry, I only had sex with him once, I didn't come and he has gone."

"…All right then." She shifts slightly in her seat.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm still adjusting to your startling sexual honesty."

"I thought you would want to know that he was inadequate, doesn't that make you feel better?"

"Not quite."

"You will make me orgasm, that is for certain. If I eventually decide to trust you again and let you have me."

Eve stares at her. "Why exactly is that for certain?"

Oksana shrugs. "I can tell. You can't tell how good it would be? Don't you get wet from the kisses like I do? When I masturbate about you I orgasm too quickly, I think of other things in the middle of it to make it last longer. Boring things, you know, like banks or old people. I tried picturing you wearing the most unpleasant set of clothes I've ever seen but you were still sexy to me, probably because that's what you look like in real life."

Eve stares at her some more. "Ninety-seven minutes of normality," she says.

* * *

"There aren't many songs in this movie."

Eve turns to look at her. "There aren't any songs in this movie, I don't think."

"You usually get songs with these cartoon films."

"You like the songs?"

"No they are shit. I was waiting for the fish to burst into a shitty song, I can relax now."

"What type of music do you like?"

"I like national anthems."

"Uh. Okay. Okay. That's cool. United States of America is pretty good."

"United States is excellent. Great Britain is shit."

"Great Britain  _is_  shit, it's really boring. Although I think that's just England we're talking about, Wales and Scotland and Ireland are something else."

"They're all shit too. Belgium is my favourite."

"How does that one go?"

"You don't know?"

Eve smiles at her fondly. "No, I don't know. Sing it to me."

"I don't sing but there are a lot of trumpets. National anthems should always have trumpets. It is about spilling blood, blood in our veins, we give to you our blood, that sort of thing. It is very noble."

Eve's smile fades. "I can't imagine why you like that one."

"The Polish one is the worst."

"Really? I've always quite liked…"

Oksana's expression remains neutral but Eve's brain finally kicks into gear.

"I mean, er, no, you're right, it's total bullshit. The whole county's bullshit, if you ask me.  _Way_ too much herring."

"That is correct. He is gone? The hairy herring man?" Oksana takes a handful of popcorn.

Eve gives her a look. "Yes, he's gone. Or he is currently being divorced, if that's what you mean."

"You're still married?" She shoves the popcorn into her mouth.

"Oh Jesus it takes  _ages_ , you've no idea…even without any kids you've got to separate all the finances and fill out all the paperwork and give a lawyer half your life savings and that's  _before_  you decide who gets the house and the kitchen table and the chicken. It's a nightmare."

Oksana stops chewing. "Chicken?"

Eve nods. "We had a chicken. He's gone to live with Niko, he never liked me. He doesn't like Niko either but at least he doesn't peck at his legs. It was a stupid idea in the first place. My stupid idea."

"You are impulsive."

Eve laughs. "No shit, Sherlock."

"But you're not sad. You weren't happy with your furry fish man."

"You know what…I thought I was. Happy enough, anyway. I thought I was fine. As fine as the next person, my marriage was fine and my job was fine and the house was fine. But I was asleep, I was sleepwalking through my life and you woke me up. And I'd have preferred it if you didn't do it by electrocuting me, because that's how it felt, like you'd found me in the bath and thrown a toaster right on in there, but Jesus Christ did you wake me up."

"That doesn't work, it blows the fuse."

Eve looks at her, puzzled, going over her own words in her head before the penny drops. "Okay, I did  _not_  need to know that."

* * *

"Do you want a drink?"

"Mm, what do you have?"

"Wine, coffee, maybe orange juice? Whisky that's been in the cupboard since before you were born."

"Is it good wine?"

"Define good."

"How much did it cost?"

"…I'll put the kettle on."

* * *

"How is your thrush?" says Oksana, out of nowhere.

"… _What?"_

"In your suitcase you had the world's ugliest collection of clothes and a tube of cream for an itchy–"

"It's fine, it's fine," she says quickly. "Much better."

Oksana pulls a face. "I am making conversation, asking after your health. These are normal things to do with your girlfriend, you should be pleased with me."

Something in Eve melts a little at the word 'girlfriend'.

"I am pleased with you, that was a nice thing to ask. Thank you." She watches in amusement as a satisfied grin appears on Oksana's face. "It's just a bit weird that you know about it. And  _how_  you know about it."

"We shouldn't have secrets now that we are pretending to be normal. Tell me one thing you want to know about me and I will ask one thing of you."

"Wow. I'd have given my right arm for that…I have  _thousands_  of questions…let me think."

"I have my question ready so I'll go first. I want to know the first time you masturbated about me."

Eve laughs. "Of course you do." She considers whether to answer or not. On the one hand, she's not entirely comfortable with the question; on the other, just the thought of telling her is turning her on. "It's pretty arrogant to just assume that's actually happened. And happened more than once."

Oksana just looks at her and Eve gives up; maybe it's not arrogant if it's so obviously true.

"When you first broke into the house and I was wearing your dress, your perfume…that night."

"With your  _husband_  in the house! Naughty Eve."

"He was asleep! And I was…" Insane. Shivering. Petrified. Concerned you were going to chop my husband's knob off.

"Electrified," Eve says finally, a spark of excitement shooting through her just from the memory. "I was electrified."

The expression that appears on her face is familiar immediately. It's from that very same night, from  _"Are_   _you_   _wearing it?"_  and the surprised, satisfied smile; she looks  _thrilled_.

"Your turn," says Oksana, her gaze intense. "Ask me something."

"Same question," Eve says before she can change her mind, her arousal growing.

"Oh Eve," she sighs. "Out of all of your  _thousands_  of important questions…are you sure?"

"Yes. Shut up."

"I can't simultaneously shut up and–"

"Answer the damn question."

"After the bathroom."

"…The hospital bathroom, really? That was like thirty seconds, we said three words to each other."

"I wanted you and I couldn't have you, I was busy. It was very frustrating."

Eve thinks about why she would have been busy, realizes immediately and files the information away in her brain along with all the other horrors she very carefully isn't thinking about.

"You say that as if the only reason you couldn't have me was that you didn't try."

Oksana smirks at her knowingly.

"Oh come on, you think I would have hooked up with a random woman I just met in a bathroom?! No way!"

"No? You felt nothing at all?"

"No I…I didn't…"  _Cat-like eyes and delicate features, full lips, long neck, smooth skin…_

"You are a  _horrible_  liar, Eve Polastri, your thoughts leak out through your face."

"Oh fine, so I was attracted, so what. I still wouldn't have slept with you."

"And in your house, with my knife to your throat, if I had given you the kiss you were  _desperate_  for?"

"That's different."

Oksana laughs.

"No, seriously, that was different. The girl in the bathroom wasn't really you, you had the English accent and you were acting sort of…calm, you were smaller somehow. Up against the fridge with a knife to my throat was the very  _definition_  of you, so it's different.

"So yes. I might have, then. Probably would have. Probably definitely. I would almost certainly have let you touch me against a fridge with a knife to my throat and my husband coming home any minute. I wouldn't have been able to resist."

Oksana runs a hand up her thigh and sighs. "That is a very sexy thing to say to me. I wish you hadn't stabbed me so I could have sex with you."

"Yeah I wish that too."

* * *

"What were you wearing, the first time you masturbated about me? I want to picture it."

"Grey flannel pyjamas with sleepy sheep on them."

An expression of pure horror appears on her face. "You are  _cruel_ , you are a bad,  _bad_  person!"

Eve grins at her. "I thought I was still sexy in terrible clothes? Besides, I'm just kidding. I was naked."

Oksana rearranges her face. "Really?"she says hopefully.

Eve laughs. "No, not really. Some ratty old t-shirt and sweatpants I think."

Oksana huffs and crosses her arms. "That is  _so_  much worse than sheepy pyjamas. You have ruined it now, why do you tell me these things? I want to masturbate about you masturbating about me, you can't even put on something nice for me? Don't you want to masturbate about me masturbating about you masturbating about me?"

"…I'm not sure I'd have the capacity."

* * *

"Be right back." Eve stands up and heads for the door.

"Do you want me to pause the film?"

"No it's okay, I won't be a minute."

"I will keep you updated on the story."

"Sure."

Thirty seconds later she's sat on the toilet when Oksana bellows from the living room.

"THEY HAVEN'T FOUND THE FISH YET."

"Oh Jesus," Eve mutters, flushing the toilet.

"THEY ARE ALL STILL LOOKING FOR THE FISH."

"You're a basket case," she says, washing her hands.

"THEY ARE TALKING TO A WHALE."

Eve looks at her reflection in the mirror. "You're a basket case, too."

"THEY HAVE BEEN EATEN BY THE WHALE. COME BACK EVE THEY ARE ALL IN PERIL."

* * *

"I'm really sorry for stabbing you. I really am. I just wanted to reiterate that."

"Mm-hmm."

"Don't you believe me?"

"You had a lovely time doing it but regretted it when you thought I might die."

"That's not true!"

"No? You didn't enjoy yourself at all? You didn't like the power, kneeling over me with my life in your hands and your knife in my body? You didn't get a thrill?"

"Six weeks of guilt and nightmares, you dick swab! That's what I got from it!"

"Dick swab? What is a dick swab?"

"It's a swab for a…it's not important, it's what you are, you asshole, you  _prick._ "

"Okay, so 'prick' I am familiar with. Let's stick to that one, it's not fair to insult me with words I don't know, tu énorme coq."

Eve stares at her. "Did you just call me an enormous cock?"

"Gargantuesque, chéri _._ "

"Did you just call me – you know what, nevermind. For Christ's sake Villanelle I've had six weeks of  _nightmares_! Six weeks of living it over and over and over again. Every night, for  _weeks_ , I'd stab you, you'd cry out, tell me you really liked me–"

"Tell you not to pull on the knife which is when you decided to pull on the knife–"

"–bleed all over the bed and then  _die_. Every night, every time, I killed you. I'd wake up  _petrified_  and in those first 10 seconds of the day you were dead, forever, you were gone and I was never,  _ever_  going to see you again because I'd  _killed_  you. For the last six weeks I thought I'd killed you for the first 10 seconds of every day."

"What a lovely little dream that must have been for you."

"I said  _nightmare_ , jackass. As soon as I knew you were alive the nightmares stopped and I started dreaming about you again, like I did before Paris. About your eyes and your lips and your arrogance and your ridiculously beautiful face. You'd never die in my dreams, you  _are_ –" Eve cuts herself off.

"Finish that sentence."

"I will not."

"FINISH IT!"

"YOU  _ARE_  MY DREAM!" Eve roars. "Everything about you, every last thing. I love you, you little prick! You must know that by now. I didn't even change the locks, Oksana, not even when I thought you were going to kill me! No other explanation makes sense. None of this makes sense if I don't love you."

Oksana studies her face for a few seconds before turning back to the TV.

"Hello?" Eve says, waving a hand in front of her face. "Did you hear what I just said?"

"Of course, I am sitting right here."

"Are you going to say it back?"

"No," she says nonchalantly. "I am watching this turtle."

"You're not going to say it back?! After all that, after everything I've gone through, the total insanity I've  _dragged_  myself through to get us a few measly  _hours_  together and you're not even going to SAY IT BACK?!"

She shrugs. "I will tell you when I let you have me. You don't deserve to know before, you tried to murder me."

"But…but you just told me, you've just told me! I mean, if you  _will_  tell me  _when_  you let me have you–"

"Don't try to be clever, it doesn't suit you."

"Oh you're such an  _asshole_."

"Dick swab."

"Watch your stupid turtle."

There's silence for a few minutes as Eve fumes; Oksana looks completely unmoved.

"Can I just say that if I'm supposed to be the emotionally intelligent one in this relationship then we're both in a lot of trouble."

Oksana glances at her before fixing her eyes on the TV again. "I will tell you when I let you have me," she repeats.

"Okay," Eve says, running a hand through her hair. "Okay then. And when will that be?"

"November 23rd."

"…What? What's November 23rd?"

"That is a joke to lighten the mood. I don't schedule sex, that would be weird. But I still hate you a little bit so you will need to wait until I don't hate you at all."

The irritation drains out of her in an instant.

"You know, in the inexplicable universe I'm currently living in, that's actually kind of romantic."

Oksana smiles at her. "This was too," she says softly, gesturing at the TV screen.

Eve smiles back. "The movie? Yeah, I knew you meant that. The cool flat and fun job stuff sounded like bullshit, but the movie part was real."

She reaches out and gently takes hold of Oksana's hand, knitting their fingers together, watching in wonder at the tenderness that appears in her eyes. It feels like the first truly peaceful moment she's had in months.

"I'll look forward to it," she says softly. "November 23rd."

"Me too."

"I'll mark it in my calendar. 'Pay the phone bill, buy cheese, make love to Oksana.'"

"I'm not a hundred and two years old, we won't be 'making love'. I'm going to fuck you  _hard_."

Eve swallows. "Well that sounds nice too."

Oksana cackles.

* * *

Oksana presses fast forward on the remote control.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching the ending."

"It's only halfway through!"

"I want to see how it ends  _first_ , it is important."

Eve grabs the remote out of her hands. "They find Nemo, okay, that's how it ends, it's a story about searching and searching and searching for this one special fish which for some odd reason I felt like watching. Jesus, though, you really are a psycho-"

Suddenly there's a knife at her throat; Villanelle's eyes have gone black. Eve's heart beats wildly in her chest as Villanelle slowly, agonisingly slowly, trails the knife down her neck. She lifts Eve's shirt and cardigan, pushes the knife against her bare skin and watches as Eve takes deep, shuddering breaths beneath her, staring at her with terrified eyes.

"I was so proud of you. I didn't think you could do it. Anna could never have done it. But you are different, no? You hide it behind your cardigans and your anoraks with fluffy edges, but I know who you are."

The knife breaks the skin and a thin line of bright red blood trickles down Eve's belly. Oksana leans down, licking once at the trail of blood and then licking hard at the cut, smiling triumphantly when she hears Eve gasp.

"I know, baby. You liked that."

"No," Eve says shakily. " _Don't_."

Oksana presses the knife to the cut again and fixes her eyes on Eve's face as a new spot of blood appears and starts to grow. Eve desperately tries to stifle a moan but Oksana presses gently on the cut and she can't hold back.

"You have a little secret, baby?" Oksana whispers. "Your husband never found this?" She wipes the blood with her finger and then licks the finger clean.

She leans down again and licks the cut, again and again, until it's completely clean, Eve crying out helplessly with each pass of her tongue.

"Do you want me to stop? If you tell me the truth I promise not to kill you before bedtime."

Eve tries to get her breath back as Oksana runs her fingers lightly over the cut; tries to form a coherent thought. "No," she says finally. "I don't want you to stop."

Oksana immediately moves away from her and puts the knife back in her pocket. Eve gapes at her, shocked, unable to move, as she presses a button on the remote and the film starts up again.

"Do you need a plaster?" Oksana says innocently, as if nothing has happened at all.

Eve pulls down her shirt and cardigan with trembling hands. "No."

"Your husband never knew many things about you. So many desires you hid from him. Don't worry, baby. I won't tell."

* * *

"Tell me how you feel when you kill someone."

Oksana turns to look at her. "Are you certain?"

"Yes. No. No. Yes."

"I think that is a no, it's hard to tell."

"Bill had a baby."

"Did he?"

" _Yes_ ," she says through gritted teeth.

Oksana doesn't reply.

"You honestly don't feel  _anything_  when I tell you that?"

"I don't want you to be upset."

"That's  _it_?! There's nothing else in there at all?"

"I love specific people, I don't love everyone. I don't understand why that is supposed to be odd."

Eve stares at her, speechless. "You're a difficult person to argue with, you know that?" she says eventually.

Oksana just shrugs.

"Tell me how it feels. I mean it."

There's silence as Oksana looks at her. Eve holds her gaze, waiting in nervous anticipation.

"It depends," she says eventually, her voice calm, her eyes devoid of emotion. "Sometimes it is dull. Sometimes they protest and cry about their children and it is fun to shut them up. The stupid ones try to fight back. And the ones so stupid they don't guess what's coming, they are fun too. The best ones know that they are going to die and there is nothing they can do about it. They are my favorite, they are so scared. The best ones are the terrified."

All the air has been sucked out of the room; Eve struggles to keep her composure.

"It excites you?"

"Yes. Of course."

"It turns you on?"

"The good ones do. Not the whingers."

"Was Bill a  _whinger_?"

"No. He was too quick."

"So it turned you on?"

For the first time she looks a little uncertain. "Only then. Not now. You have changed it for me now."

"Do you regret it? Do you ever feel  _any_ guilt at all?"

"I told you, I don't want to hurt you. Why are you here with me if I'm such a bad person? Why do you let me stay?"

Eve sighs heavily. "Because this isn't news to me. I was obsessed with your kills long before I knew that you were funny and beautiful and rude. I was obsessed by your darkness long before I knew about your light."

"That is very poetic."

"Thank you."

* * *

At some point Oksana has slid closer to her on the sofa and got a hand up her shirt. It's not the sort of thing she would have overlooked, Eve thinks, so it's happened so stealthily she's impressed. The hand rests on her stomach for a few delicious seconds before trailing upwards slowly, destination obvious. She takes a very deep breath.

The hand slides over her breast and starts to caress her gently through the cotton of her bra. Oksana is half-kneeling on the sofa, her body facing Eve; her expression is all innocence and her eyes are fixed firmly on the television.

The hand continues to caress, slowly, a thumb occasionally grazing over her hard nipple. For a brief, stupid moment she considers asking her to stop. For a brief, stupider moment she considers asking her to move her hand much further down, but she chooses frustration instead of humiliation.

One minute turns into two, three, five. Eve was wet after minute one; now she's on fire.

"Can you not…" she says weakly. She shifts in her seat, gripping onto one of the sofa's arms.

"Mm?"

"Do you have to…" The hand squeezes tightly, making her moan. "Are you trying to –  _Jesus_  – are you just going to… _fuck_."

"Are you having a stroke? Why are your words coming out in a pile?"

"Are you just going to do that forever?" Eve says tightly.

"Poor baby. I know it's difficult for you, all this waiting, but it's  _good_  for you to learn some self-control. Remember when an assassin was shooting at you and you jumped out of the car to declare your love? Remember when you smashed up all her things as a token of your affection?"

The fingers start rhythmically rubbing at her nipple and Eve's not sure how much more of this she can take; she tries to pull the hand downwards but Oksana's stronger than her and just ignores the attempt.

"And my heart is still a bit broken, remember? So we need to wait until it's healed so I can love you with all of it."

In a second Eve goes from wanting to kill her and fuck her senseless simultaneously to wanting to marry her and never let her out of her sight. It's dizzying, to be near another human being who has this much power over her heart and body. It's insane.

Oksana continues to stroke her: slow, teasing, relentless. After a while she stops watching the television and starts solely watching Eve, the heat of her gaze almost as erotic as her touch.

Eve grits her teeth, shifts restlessly on the sofa and closes her eyes in helpless pleasure when Oksana's other hand slides into her hair and starts to caress her gently.

"At least you've given away your modus operandi. You're going to sexually frustrate me to death."

* * *

The credits start to roll; Oksana puts the popcorn bowl down on the coffee table. "Did you have a nice time?"

Eve collapses into helpless laughter.

"What? What is wrong with you?"

Eve can't stop laughing; her eyes are starting to water.

"So I'm going to need a new girlfriend, this one is broken." Oksana pokes at her arm.

"It's just…" She collapses into giggles again. "It's just that we can't even watch a film together properly, I hardly saw any of it, we can't even sit on the same sofa for a few hours without it being demented. We're  _chaos_  together. We're the worst idea either of us has ever had and that is  _really_ saying something."

"You want to break up?"

Eve gets herself under control. "Of course not, that's not what I meant. Besides, I don't think I could break up with you even if I wanted to, even if you broke up with me. I'd just be one half of a couple that didn't exist. Which is so exceptionally pathetic let's change the subject. Wait a second though, weren't we just  _pretending_  to date for a few hours?"

"Were we? I shall ask you properly. Eve Polastri, do you want to go steady?"

Eve laughs. "No-one's used that phrase since the late fifties."

"I was speaking American, that's what they say in the movies."

"Not since the late–"

" _Okay_ , okay, do you want me to fuck you at regular intervals?"

Eve laughs again. "Yes please."

* * *

"Wait there."

Eve leaves her by the front door and rummages around in a kitchen drawer for a few minutes before returning.

"Here. For next time. I have no idea how you're getting in at the moment but I'd rather you didn't hurt yourself or break anything."

Oksana takes the key. "Thank you."

"So," Eve says, putting her hands in her pockets and then taking them out again. "Take care of yourself. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"What does that leave me with?"

Eve smiles wryly. "Rather more than previously supposed."

They stand in silence for a few moments, looking at each other. Eventually Eve leans into her, stops, leans in again and ends up kissing her awkwardly on the cheek. "Bye," she mutters.

"Bye bye Eve," she says in a singsong voice, smirking at her.

"Oh piss off." Without thinking Eve hits out with the back of her hand, connecting with Oksana's midriff; there's not much power in the blow but it still makes her wince.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry."

"You have the social skills of a sea sponge," Oksana says angrily. "Don't hit me in my knife wound, it was infected."

"I'm so sorry. Come here, I'm sorry." Eve takes her gently into her arms. There's stiff resistance at first but soon Oksana's arms wrap around her and hold on far more tightly than is physically comfortable; it feels incredible. Eve's in heaven; she rests her head on Oksana's shoulder and basks.

"We should have done this for a hundred minutes," Oksana whispers into her hair.

" _Yes."_

"We will get better. We will figure it out."

"Yes. We will."

They continue to hold each other; Eve's not sure she'll be able to let go.

"We fit together nicely. It's because you are so short."

Eve manages to let go and tries to give her a disapproving stare but she's too full of longing to pull it off.

"I'll try for an overnight visit next time," says Oksana.

"God, that would be amazing."

"This doesn't mean guaranteed sex for you, don't get excited."

"Piss off quicker."

In what seems like the space of a single heartbeat Oksana grins at her, kisses her firmly on the mouth and leaves.

Eve starts missing her the moment she's gone.


End file.
